How to Drive Safely
Alright, alright, alright. You just got your permit and you're just
dying to go out for a joy ride. But your parents don't want you to drive
yet. So your parents leave the house to go to work, you're stuck at home
and you don't have a car to your access.
Well, well, well. I got the tips
so that you can get a car, and drive it safely. Remember,
a vehicle is a
lethal weapon, so you must take my tips seriously or someone will pay
the consequence. But if someone else gets hurt, it's okay, as long
as it's not you, just make sure there are no witnesses.
First: Alright, you need a car. The best place to find one is at
the mall. So go ahead and take a pick and use the hot wire method to start it up.
Second: When you're in the car, make sure you're in the most comfortable position
possible. I suggest the lying down position. It's the best.
Third: Since you only have your permit, you need someone 25. So, go ahead and pick
up your girlfriend and say that she's your mom (Opposite if you're a girl).
Fourth: If you need gas, put one gallon of gas only. Then fill the rest of the tank
with watered down boos.
Fifth: The s-t-o-p sign, don't obey it. It's a waist of time.
Sixth: When ever you're at a stop light, rev up your engine a lot. It makes
everyone look at you, and once in a while, someone will go really fast when the light turns
green. It makes a great laugh.
Seventh: If there is a time when a driver irritates you because that person has no skills in
driving, use the almighty honk.
Eighth: If you ever happen to find a old person driving on the road, go in front of that
person's car and brake really hard. If the person hits your car, you get to sue that person for all
he's worth. Instant cash baby.
Ninth: Somebody tailgating really tight, refer to #8.
Tenth: When someone honks at you, flashes you, or anything irritating, follow this simple
directive. Open the window, extend your left arm, and extend your middle finger.
WARNING: DO NOT follow my tips.
If you do, you're screwed, you hear me, SCREWED.
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