Rame's Tips
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Tips of the Week

How to Drive Safely

Alright, alright, alright. You just got your permit and you're just dying to go out for a joy ride. But your parents don't want you to drive yet. So your parents leave the house to go to work, you're stuck at home and you don't have a car to your access. Well, well, well. I got the tips so that you can get a car, and drive it safely. Remember, a vehicle is a lethal weapon, so you must take my tips seriously or someone will pay the consequence. But if someone else gets hurt, it's okay, as long as it's not you, just make sure there are no witnesses.

First: Alright, you need a car. The best place to find one is at the mall. So go ahead and take a pick and use the hot wire method to start it up.

Second: When you're in the car, make sure you're in the most comfortable position possible. I suggest the lying down position. It's the best.

Third: Since you only have your permit, you need someone 25. So, go ahead and pick up your girlfriend and say that she's your mom (Opposite if you're a girl).

Fourth: If you need gas, put one gallon of gas only. Then fill the rest of the tank with watered down boos.

Fifth: The s-t-o-p sign, don't obey it. It's a waist of time.

Sixth: When ever you're at a stop light, rev up your engine a lot. It makes everyone look at you, and once in a while, someone will go really fast when the light turns green. It makes a great laugh.

Seventh: If there is a time when a driver irritates you because that person has no skills in driving, use the almighty honk.

Eighth: If you ever happen to find a old person driving on the road, go in front of that person's car and brake really hard. If the person hits your car, you get to sue that person for all he's worth. Instant cash baby.

Ninth: Somebody tailgating really tight, refer to #8.

Tenth: When someone honks at you, flashes you, or anything irritating, follow this simple directive. Open the window, extend your left arm, and extend your middle finger.

WARNING: DO NOT follow my tips. If you do, you're screwed, you hear me, SCREWED.

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